Here are 50 facts about my favorite recruit last year, LB Allen Bailey. Yes, its a play off the 50 facts about Chuck Norris, but AB would kick Chuck Norris's @ss, so now the list belongs to him!
Hope you enjoy...
1. Allen Bailey has two speeds... Walk... and Kill...
2. Allen Bailey does not sleep... he waits...
3. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Allen Bailey...
4. Allen Bailey is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. Allen Bailey is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right hands...
6. Allen Bailey does not get frostbite. Allen Bailey bites frost...
7. Allen Bailey doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants...
8. Allen Bailey' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush...
9. Allen Bailey's wristwatch doesn't have numbers on it... It just says "Time to Kick Ass!"
10. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Allen Bailey has 72... and they're all poisonous.
11. If you ask Allen Bailey what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
12. When Allen Bailey sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Allen Bailey has not had to pay taxes, ever...
13. Allen Bailey can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
14. What was going through the minds of all of Allen Bailey's victims before they died? His fist...
15. Police label anyone attacking Allen Bailey as a Code 45-11.... a suicide...
16. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Allen Bailey and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
17. Allen Bailey's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd... There's no fooling Allen Bailey...
18. Allen Bailey can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
19. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Allen Bailey...
20. When Allen Bailey was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's...
21. Allen Bailey's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through...
22. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Allen Bailey roundhouse kick...
23. When taking the SAT, write "Allen Bailey" for every answer. You will score over 8000...
24. Allen Bailey invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Bryan Rudd invented pink...
25. Allen Bailey has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
26. Allen Bailey doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Allen Bailey throws down!
27. Allen Bailey ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one...
28. If you Google search "Allen Bailey getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen...
29. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Allen Bailey. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage...
30. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Allen Bailey lives in Miami...
31. James Cameron wanted Allen Bailey to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger...
32. Allen Bailey played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won...
33. Allen Bailey does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold...
34. Allen Bailey is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you...
35. Allen Bailey is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
36. 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Allen Bailey. After a workout, Allen Bailey rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
37. If you can see Allen Bailey, Allen Bailey can see you... If you can't see Allen Bailey, you may be only seconds away from death...
38. Allen Bailey invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Allen Bailey is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your shirt...
39. What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Allen Bailey-Division"...
40. Google won't search for Allen Bailey because it knows you don't find Allen Bailey, he finds you.
41. Allen Bailey destroyed the periodic table, because Allen Bailey only recognizes the element of surprise.
42. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Allen Bailey a giant meteor...
43. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Allen Bailey."
44. Allen Bailey smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Allen Bailey' personal chef..
45. Allen Bailey uses a night light. Not because Allen Bailey is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Allen Bailey...
46. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Allen Bailey. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
47. When Allen Bailey does division, there are no remainders...
48. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Allen Bailey bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
49. The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and if/when Allen Bailey goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
50. Bryan Rudd once dreamt that he kicked Allen Bailey's ass. Bryan was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face by Allen Bailey...
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